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In the thirty odd years I've graced the world with my presence, I've seen many things on television that constitute a new low, a new scrapping of the barrel, but this takes this piss. It makes Ghost Hunting with The Only Way is Essex seem avant guarde.The idea was simple: a camera crew follows a member of the public as they go on a date with a celebrity. Apparently, there are also a bunch of hidden cameras around too. All the footage is played out in front of a studio audience where people win money for betting on how the date progresses.None of these have been shown live yet; I guess they are waiting until all of them are 'in the can'. The one featuring Kimberly Nixon, the 26 year old Welsh actress was advertised just as I was watching her sitcom, Fresh Meat, on the Internet. It being late, me being drunk and my company not minding if large charges suddenly appear on my mobile phone contributed to be phoning in to enter the competition to be the lucky punter.That was a week ago, and. One thing that did was to get us a rock bottom price! Li Lo was available for only one horse! That was demeaning to the girl, so I offered two horses, which was accepted on the spot.A week later, after Homer had been coached in all of the proper protocol and given a thoroughly practical, hands on sex education by one of Li Lo's aunts, I performed the wedding ceremony in front of the whole camp population. The celebration that followed may have well set a record for the amount of fermented mare's milk consumed, but Homer and Li Lo remained sober throughout the whole celebration.They retired to a bridal yurt, and the obligatory bloody sheet was thrown out the door a few minutes later. The guests returned to the party while Homer and Li Lo got to know each other better. The wedding night had been a success, as proven by Homer's smile and Li Lo's near inability to walk.Homer was now officially an adult. That put a lot of work on both families, since we were still on the march, heading.
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